I’ve been struggling with depression on and off for about 25 years. Sometimes it seems better for a while, but it always comes back. I have tried antidepressants, therapy, positive thinking, and other things, but there is no magic bullet. I’ve finally come to accept the fact that I’ll probably be fighting this for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I am fine for a few months or even longer. Some days I’m not sure I’ll make it at all. I’m OK right now, if you’re wondering. But I can’t promise that I’ll be OK tomorrow or the next day or next week or next month. I just don’t know.
And stress of any kind tends to make things worse. That includes writing deadlines. For this reason, I am no longer accepting client orders for writing. I am going to focus on writing fiction and writing posts for my own websites. I’ll try to write something every day, even if it’s just a few words, but I’ll write what I feel like writing.
If all I can manage is a few minutes of free writing some days, but I make it through the day alive, I’m going to call that a success. If I can’t even manage those few words but I make it through the day alive, I’ll still call that a success.
I’m going to focus on taking care of myself above all else.
I know that for me, not getting enough sleep is a huge trigger for depression. I’m trying to get plenty of sleep, but my system is so out of whack that I can’t seem to get into a routine. Often, I end up not being able to sleep at night and then crashing during the day. This is my number one priority right now–to get enough sleep and to sleep at the right time, so I don’t end up feeling like the day is wasted because I slept through it.
I’m going to take each day one day at a time because that’s all I can handle right now. And when I write, I’m going to write the fun stuff–poetry and fiction and picture books for kids. Maybe someday I’ll be able to handle the pressure of meeting deadlines for clients, but I have a feeling that’s a long way off.